How to Make Your New Year’s Resolutions Stick! - Part 2
Leap Over Resolution Hurdles
No one’s perfect, and your quest for your resolution won’t be either. But you can get back on track.
What’s the best way to tackle problems that arise on your way to success? First, remember no matter how well you plan, change is hard. So before hurdles get in your way, make sure you have a plan to jump over them. Here are a few common problems people face in achieving their goals:
It’s too much and I have so far to go. A perceived lack of progress can be frustrating. Focus on whatever the smaller number is: your progress, or how much you have left to do.
This “small number” technique is based on a 2012 study published in The Journal of Consumer Research that found that focusing on the smaller number in reaching a goal kept people more motivated. So, for example, if you want to run five miles, which of the following thoughts is more likely to keep you going?
I’ve already run one mile and in another mile I’ll double it
I’ve run just one mile and I still have four more to go
According to this theory, you’re likely better off with the first one.
So when you are first starting on your journey toward your resolution, instead of looking at the big number left to get there, look at what you’ve already achieved. Toward the end when that goal number shrinks, it’s perfectly fine to look at your progress, but zero in on what little remains before you hit your goal.
I’m trying to stay positive, but it’s not working. Positive thinking isn’t going to be enough. In fact, positive thinking may be the thing holding you back. A better technique than positive thinking? Try to be positive, but realistic. Yes, imagine the goal or positive fantasy, but then look at what obstacles are in the way and how to get over them. Try the W.O.O.P. technique — Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan.
Wish: What do you want?
Outcome: What would the ideal outcome be? What will your life look like when you hit your goal?
Obstacle: You know yourself. What will try to stop you? What has sidelined you before?
Plan: How will you get around it?
Answering these questions doesn’t need to take a lot of time.
I can’t stick to this routine. Maybe your routine simply isn’t flexible enough.
Set a plan, but be flexible when life gets in the way.
I’m getting too much outside pressure. This could be a sign that you’re trying to change for the wrong reasons. Have a talk with yourself about whether you want to make this change for you or because someone else told you to.
I slipped up. The first time you revert to your old ways, forget it. If you keep slipping up, instead of blaming yourself, try to look at your behaviour to figure out where the process is breaking down. If a choice doesn’t succeed that doesn’t mean that we blame ourselves. It means we have more data for our experience and we’re probably going to succeed better next time.
Find a Community
You don’t need to do it alone, especially if your resolution starts in the new year when you’ll have plenty of company in trying to make a life change.
STATE YOUR GOAL
You don’t necessarily need to find a special group, but you should let a person or two know that you’re setting a goal. Tell them your plan and ask them to hold you accountable. That way it’s a public commitment, and you might feel like you have a community supporting you that wants to see you succeed.
STAND TO LOSE SOMETHING
Namely, money. That could mean you give your brother $100 and you can’t get it back until you reach your goal. Or, for something more formal and formatted, use a website where you make a financial pledge that you’ll lose if you don’t reach your goal. If there’s money on the line, the consequences are much larger.
FIND LIKEMINDED RESOLVERS
You may find online support groups and forums (on Facebook or not) full of people who are reaching for the same goal. But real life groups can help too. Support groups can help because it’s a group setting with a lot of social reinforcement and features examples of people who have changed.
CUT BACK ON BAD INFLUENCES
While some friends and family want to help, others can hold you back, especially if your resolutions to cut back on a bad behaviour means you can’t participate in that behaviour with them or they see your wanting to change as a rejection of the way they live their lives.
For those who push back against your decision to change – your happy hour buddies, the smoking crew at work - try creating a script that says what you are trying to do without any shame behind it. Look at it like a memo to the people in your life about the change you hope to make.
For example, if you are trying to quit smoking and getting ribbing from a group of people you usually smoke with at work, try this: “I really enjoyed our time outside, but I’m really sorry that I have to back off now because stopping smoking is so important to my health. Hanging out with the gang during the smoke sessions would be more than I could tolerate. Again: My regrets.”
If you clearly state what you’re trying to do, and that person continually pushes back, it could be a sign that the relationship isn’t a good one for you. This can often be an issue in a relationship where one partner continues with a destructive habit when the other is trying to quit. You really need to ask yourself whether this is a red flag about something in a relationship that can be very dangerous for you that you want to be prepared for in advance.
If You Miss Your Goal
You didn’t fail. You’re your own experiment, so here’s what to try on your second, third or 20th attempt.First and foremost: If you fail at your resolution attempt, don’t beat yourself up, and know you’re not alone. We struggle to do the things that we know are good for us because we give into impulses for instant gratification.
FEEL FREE TO START FRESH
Want to try again? Remember, a resolution doesn’t need to be tied to New Year’s. It can be following a weekend or following a birthday, for example. So if you missed your New Year’s goal, you can start again tomorrow, on a Monday, after Valentine’s Day or any marker that means something to you, just as long as you’re ready to give it another go. It won’t guarantee success, but you don’t need to wait until another year comes around on the calendar to give it another go.
And be kind to yourself. We talk in much harsher tones to ourselves than we would to other people. We wouldn’t say to a kid trying to learn something ‘that’s so stupid’ but that’s how we talk to ourselves.
When resolutions run off the rails or fall apart but you still want to try again, talk to yourself like a child who’s feeling discouraged. You wouldn’t say ‘that’s because you’re an idiot.’ You would say ‘come on you can do it.’”
Here are a few more ways to flip the script:
Instead of “I blew it. What’s the point now?”
…say, “That was a bad decision, but a good learning opportunity. What’s my next step?”
Instead of, “I’m SO hungry!”
…say, “I’m hungry, which means it’s working! It’s a bit uncomfortable, but I’ve gotten through worse.”
Instead of, “My legs are SO sore. I can’t possibly work out today"
…say, “Let’s give my leg muscles a rest today. What can I do to work my arms?”
or: “Of course my muscles are sore. They’re supposed to be. It will get easier."
Instead of, “This is too hard!”
…say, “Making it through today is going to really build my confidence.”
Credit: https://www.nytimes.com/guides/smarterliving/resolution-ideas