Surviving the Christmas Crazy…
As a Psychologist, I am BUSY at this time of year. Kids are tired and don’t want to go to school, and adults are stressed about Christmas.
Christmas is meant to be magical. The most wonderful time of the year. And yet, here we are. Exhausted, stressed, and limping over the finish line.
We place pressure on ourselves for the perfect day, we worry about choosing the perfect gift, we worry about money, and we worry about facing some of those complicated family interactions…
As the pressure on my diary increases every year, I often reflect on how this could be, and what choices we can make to try and change this pattern.
Here are a few of my ideas:
Remember what it is actually all about. I am not going to discuss Religion here, as that is slightly outside my realm as a Psychologist. What I do want to reflect on though, is some of the stuff that is meant to make Christmas so magical. Christmas is a time to share special moments with friends and family. Everything else really is just an extra. How would it feel if we stripped Christmas right back, thought about what we truly value, and focused on what is actually most important to us?
Spend within your means. The financial pressure that Christmas can place on people can be extremely stressful. This year, we already have significant cost of living pressures, so Christmas is only adding to that. Set a budget, and stick to it. As per the above, let’s all try to remember what Christmas is actually meant to be all about. While it is lovely to show the people we love how much we care about them by buying them something special, does it need to be expensive? Are there other ways we can show them how much we care about them, without buying an extravagant gift? Thoughtful gifts or gestures generally carry far more meaning than expensive ones anyway.
It doesn’t need to be perfect. In fact, it is never going to be. Perfection is an illusion. Things never go exactly the way we plan them out in our minds. Sometimes that is a good thing! Instead of striving for perfection, let’s focus on creating meaningful moments. Embrace the imperfections. They are bound to create a few laughs, and leave you with long lasting memories to look back on.
Take care of yourself. The Christmas season can be busy. There are generally lots of Christmas parties and end of year events filling the calendar. It can be exhausting, and all this on the back of what may have already felt like a big year. It is important that we take care of ourselves so we are better able to handle the demands of the busy season. Eating and sleeping well, maintaining some physical activity, and being conscious of our alcohol intake can be important steps. It is also important to remember that it is ok to say no! Sometimes attending every last event and invitation can just be too much. It is ok to say no. Maybe you can catch up with them sometime in the New Year instead?
Delegate. If you are hosting Christmas, trying to get your house set up and prepare all of the food can take all of the fun out of the day for you! Why not ask each family member to bring something so you all share the load? Most of the time they are more than happy to help, and that way, it can still be a relaxing and enjoyable day for everyone – even you!
Your house does not have to be perfect. Repeat after me – my house does not have to be perfect. People are not there to grade you on your cleanliness! If there was ever a day of the year where your house is going to be a bit messy, it is Christmas day! The kids have unwrapped their presents, there is wrapping paper torn and scattered everywhere, they have played briefly with every toy and spread them all across the floor – am I alone in this?! Embrace the imperfections, let the kids have fun, and know that your guests do not mind – their house looks exactly the same!
Create new traditions. If Christmas historically has been a stressful time for you and comes with a few negative memories, why not create some new traditions for yourself or your family? Whether it is a movie night, volunteering, time with friends, or a new breakfast tradition, the options are endless. Choose something that suits you or your family, and work on creating many more special and positive memories for the years to come.
Practice gratitude. Taking a moment each day to notice things you appreciate, no matter how small they may be, is a powerful way to shape our brain and change our perspective. This can be a great thing to do across the entire family, getting the kids involved as well. Maybe this can be one of your new family traditions!
Respect others. Christmas can be a tricky time for many, particularly those who are grieving. Remember we may never truly understand what another person is going through. Be respectful of what this time may mean for others.
Plan strategies to deal with your family. Let’s be honest, many of us feel quite anxious about having to see certain people in our lives. We have potentially been able to avoid them for the last 12 months, but as Christmas approaches, we know it’s time to see them again. Reflect on what it is that contributes to you feeling so anxious about seeing this person, and then let’s see what we can do to try and manage some of that. Maybe you need a time out plan for the day so you can take a break when you need to. Maybe you need to practice your assertiveness skills or saying no. How can you hold onto your healthy adult self, when you return to your childhood of origin? What relaxation exercises can you do to calm your threat system? Remember that as per the below, if relationships are particularly tricky for you at Christmas time, talking this through with a professional to better understand it and develop helpful strategies could be worthwhile.
Consider 2024. If you find that at this time of year every year you are limping across the finish line, desperately trying to make it to your holiday break, what can you do next year that might help to change that? Can you take more regular, smaller breaks across the year to break it up? Can you adjust something about your work hours or routine that might ease some of the pressure? Can you draw on more help from your social supports across the year to ease some of the burden? Let’s work towards trying to break that cycle of burnout!
Seek support if needed. I know just how hard this time of year can be for so many people. If you need support, there are so many people who would be happy to help. Please reach out. Chatting to your GP is probably a great place to start.
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and wonderful holiday break. I look forward to continuing to support you in 2024!
x Tanya