The Inner Critic and Me

Whenever we leave our comfort zone to go on a first date, work in a new job role, have a speech etc., we tend to feel slightly anxious or even overwhelmed. In these stressful situations, many of us experience this mean little (or sometimes not so little) voice inside of us that psychologists like to call the “Inner Critic”. The “Inner Critic” is a concept that describes destructive, critical, judging and discouraging self-thoughts. These thoughts develop throughout our lives and have many different reasons and sources, which can be helpful to explore during therapy. The more stressed we feel, the louder the Inner Critic tells us things like:

“I will fail if I don’t do better than this! I’ll never be successful.”

“I can’t do it! It’s too hard.”

“Other people don’t get stressed like that, I’m just too sensitive!”

“I have so much good in my life, I can’t feel like this.”

“Nobody will like me, I better stay home!”

“I am fat and ugly, why would anyone want to be with me?”

These toxic self-thoughts can leave us feeling helpless, hopeless and even worthless – feelings that stop us seeing situations realistically. If the Inner Critic gets powerful, it can cause low mood, social retreat, depression and anxiety.

How to deal with our Inner Critic

First, we can notice when the Inner Critic is powerful within us, which may take some practice. Whenever your mood suddenly drops, ask yourself: What situation has just happened? What were my thoughts following that situation?

We can then learn to identify what our Inner Critic is saying, and name it: “Ah, here he is again, my Inner Critic! He is trying to make me believe I am worthless.”

We can rephrase the Critic’s sentences and turn them into You-statements, which gives us the chance to reply and defend ourselves.

Sometimes it can help to add some humour and say the Critic’s messages out loud in a different voice, or even a funny dialect. These strategies enable us to distance ourselves from the discouraging thoughts and question them - which can be a challenge, given all the years we have been used to believing what the Inner Critic has told us.

Maybe we can even start a conversation with that Critic: “I appreciate your contribution, but I’m not finding it very helpful right now, thank you very much!”

Showing empathy towards that part of ourselves could sound like this: “I can see you are scared of getting hurt and you want to protect me from it, but I can deal with this situation on my own”. Some Critics can be very persistent and cruel, so they may need clearer words than that.

Are you against Yourself or for Yourself?

Once we have learned to reduce our Inner Critic’s impact, we can decide to turn our attention to thoughts that are self-compassionate and encouraging. It may be helpful to consider what we would say to a loved friend or child if they were in our situation. Instead of beating ourselves up for struggling, we can acknowledge any difficult feelings we may have: “This is hard at the moment. I am taking it one step at a time.” We can take our suffering seriously, speak to ourselves with warmth and kindness, and then find ways to get through the challenge we’re facing.