Violence, our society and healthy conversations
We imagine you have seen the incident involving the actor Will Smith at the Academy Awards this week. It got us thinking about violence in our society and even when well intentioned, it is not ok.
We have referred to 1800RESPECT for some guidance to help us have open and healthy conversations with those around us.
There are many ways to start a conversation of this kind. Some things will depend on your own understanding of the person you are talking to. It’s good to find a private time and place where you are unlikely to be interrupted.
We’ve provided some examples of general scripts, but this conversation is best done using your own words. Sometimes practicing out loud can help you feel comfortable. These conversations are not ones we ever expect to have, so it’s only natural to feel nervous and uncomfortable about beginning to speak about abuse.
You may want to start by saying something like “I was hoping to talk to you about the way [person] gets when they [are angry / controlling / have been drinking / are upset about something, etc.]
From here you can:
Acknowledge that they know what is happening, to whatever degree
Let them know that you understand this affects them too
Let them know that what is happening is not OK
Explain that the only person responsible for the abuse is the abusive person
Focus on what the abusive person does, not who the person is:
Say: ‘The things that [person] does are abusive and not OK
Not: ‘[person] is a bad /abusive person’
Ask them about their feelings and listen, allowing them to share openly without interruption or judgment
Some more points to remember when talking about feelings
They may not yet have the words to describe how they are feeling
Make it clear that it is not their responsibility to stop the abuse
Tell them that the most important thing to you is keeping everyone safe
Remember you can always call
Lifeline 13 11 14
Kids Helpline 1800 551 800
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78
Rape Crisis Centre 1800 424 017
National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service 1800 737 732